Yes you see correctly, a seat collar bottle opener. Apparently the people at Swarm thought to themselves, “You know what is a hassle on a bike; not having a convenient way to open a beer while riding your bike. We should make something to fix this overwhelming problem.” And the bike bottle opener was born. Am I saying we are not adults who are incapable of making our own decisions? No. Does having a bottle opener on hand make it easier to drink and bike? Yes. From their website:
ELIXIR AND NECTAR SEAT CLAMP WITH BOTTLE OPENER // Seat collars designed to make your bike look gorgeous, hold your seat up, and to open your beer. What more do you want to know?
Albany Bicycle Coalition 
I need a U-lock with a corkscrew.