Author Archives: Lorenz Worden

Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.

Title:     Taming the Bicycle

(In the early eighties (eighteen eighties, that is) Mark Twain learned to ride – a high wheel, of course.)


Courtesy: Alert rider Frank

Author: Mark Twain


I thought the matter over, and concluded I could do it. So I went down a bought a barrel of Pond’s Extract and a bicycle. The Expert came home with me to instruct me. We chose the back yard, for the sake of privacy, and went to work.

Mine was not a full-grown bicycle, but only a colt–a fifty-inch, with the pedals shortened up to forty-eight–and skittish, like any other colt. The Expert explained the thing’s points briefly, then he got on its back and rode around a little, to show me how easy it was to do. He said that the dismounting was perhaps the hardest thing to learn, and so we would leave that to the last. But he was in error there. He found, to his surprise and joy, that all that he needed to do was to get me on to the machine and stand out of the way; I could get off, myself. Although I was wholly inexperienced, I dismounted in the best time on record. He was on that side, shoving up the machine; we all came down with a crash, he at the bottom, I next, and the machine on top.

We examined the machine, but it was not in the least injured. This was hardly believable. Yet the Expert assured me that it was true; in fact, the examination proved it. I was partly to realize, then, how admirably these things are constructed. We applied some Pond’s Extract, and resumed. The Expert got on the OTHER side to shove up this time, but I dismounted on that side; so the result was as before.

The machine was not hurt. We oiled ourselves again, and resumed. This time the Expert took up a sheltered position behind, but somehow or other we landed on him again.

He was full of admiration; said it was abnormal. She was all right, not a scratch on her, not a timber started anywhere. I said it was wonderful, while we were greasing up, but he said that when I came to know these steel spider-webs I would realize that nothing but dynamite could cripple them. Then he limped out to position, and we resumed once more. This time the Expert took up the position of short-stop, and got a man to shove up behind. We got up a handsome speed, and presently traversed a brick, and I went out over the top of the tiller and landed, head down, on the instructor’s back, and saw the machine fluttering in the air between me and the sun. It was well it came down on us, for that broke the fall, and it was not injured.

Five days later I got out and was carried down to the hospital, and found the Expert doing pretty fairly. In a few more days I was quite sound. I attribute this to my prudence in always dismounting on something soft. Some recommend a feather bed, but I think an Expert is better.

The Expert got out at last, brought four assistants with him. It was a good idea. These four held the graceful cobweb upright while I climbed into the saddle; then they formed in column and marched on either side of me while the Expert pushed behind; all hands assisted at the dismount.

The bicycle had what is called the “wabbles,” and had them very badly. In order to keep my position, a good many things were required of me, and in every instance the thing required was against nature. That is to say, that whatever the needed thing might be, my nature, habit, and breeding moved me to attempt it in one way, while some immutable and unsuspected law of physics required that it be done in just the other way. I perceived by this how radically and grotesquely wrong had been the life-long education of my body and members. They were steeped in ignorance; they knew nothing–nothing which it could profit them to know. For instance, if I found myself falling to the right, I put the tiller hard down the other way, by a quite natural impulse, and so violated a law, and kept on going down. The law required the opposite thing–the big wheel must be turned in the direction in which you are falling. It is hard to believe this, when you are told it. And not merely hard to believe it, but impossible; it is opposed to all your notions. And it is just as hard to do it, after you do come to believe it. Believing it, and knowing by the most convincing proof that it is true, does not help it: you can’t any more DO it than you could before; you can neither force nor persuade yourself to do it at first. The intellect has to come to the front, now. It has to teach the limbs to discard their old education and adopt the new.

The steps of one’s progress are distinctly marked. At the end of each lesson he knows he has acquired something, and he also knows what that something is, and likewise that it will stay with him. It is not like studying German, where you mull along, in a groping, uncertain way, for thirty years; and at last, just as you think you’ve got it, they spring the subjunctive on you, and there you are. No–and I see now, plainly enough, that the great pity about the German language is, that you can’t fall off it and hurt yourself. There is nothing like that feature to make you attend strictly to business. But I also see, by what I have learned of bicycling, that the right and only sure way to learn German is by the bicycling method. That is to say, take a grip on one villainy of it at a time, leaving that one half learned.

When you have reached the point in bicycling where you can balance the machine tolerably fairly and propel it and steer it, then comes your next task–how to mount it. You do it in this way: you hop along behind it on your right foot, resting the other on the mounting-peg, and grasping the tiller with your hands. At the word, you rise on the peg, stiffen your left leg, hang your other one around in the air in a general in indefinite way, lean your stomach against the rear of the saddle, and then fall off, maybe on one side, maybe on the other; but you fall off. You get up and do it again; and once more; and then several times.

By this time you have learned to keep your balance; and also to steer without wrenching the tiller out by the roots (I say tiller because it IS a tiller; “handle-bar” is a lamely descriptive phrase). So you steer along, straight ahead, a little while, then you rise forward, with a steady strain, bringing your right leg, and then your body, into the saddle, catch your breath, fetch a violent hitch this way and then that, and down you go again.

But you have ceased to mind the going down by this time; you are getting to light on one foot or the other with considerable certainty. Six more attempts and six more falls make you perfect. You land in the saddle comfortably, next time, and stay there–that is, if you can be content to let your legs dangle, and leave the pedals alone a while; but if you grab at once for the pedals, you are gone again. You soon learn to wait a little and perfect your balance before reaching for the pedals; then the mounting-art is acquired, is complete, and a little practice will make it simple and easy to you, though spectators ought to keep off a rod or two to one side, along at first, if you have nothing against them.

And now you come to the voluntary dismount; you learned the other kind first of all. It is quite easy to tell one how to do the voluntary dismount; the words are few, the requirement simple, and apparently undifficult; let your left pedal go down till your left leg is nearly straight, turn your wheel to the left, and get off as you would from a horse. It certainly does sound exceedingly easy; but it isn’t. I don’t know why it isn’t but it isn’t. Try as you may, you don’t get down as you would from a horse, you get down as you would from a house afire. You make a spectacle of yourself every time.

During the eight days I took a daily lesson an hour and a half. At the end of this twelve working-hours’ apprenticeship I was graduated–in the rough. I was pronounced competent to paddle my own bicycle without outside help. It seems incredible, this celerity of acquirement. It takes considerably longer than that to learn horseback-riding in the rough.

Now it is true that I could have learned without a teacher, but it would have been risky for me, because of my natural clumsiness. The self-taught man seldom knows anything accurately, and he does not know a tenth as much as he could have known if he had worked under teachers; and, besides, he brags, and is the means of fooling other thoughtless people into going and doing as he himself has done. There are those who imagine that the unlucky accidents of life–life’s “experiences”–are in some way useful to us. I wish I could find out how. I never knew one of them to happen twice. They always change off and swap around and catch you on your inexperienced side. If personal experience can be worth anything as an education, it wouldn’t seem likely that you could trip Methuselah; and yet if that old person could come back here it is more that likely that one of the first things he would do would be to take hold of one of these electric wires and tie himself all up in a knot. Now the surer thing and the wiser thing would be for him to ask somebody whether it was a good thing to take hold of. But that would not suit him; he would be one of the self-taught kind that go by experience; he would want to examine for himself. And he would find, for his instruction, that the coiled patriarch shuns the electric wire; and it would be useful to him, too, and would leave his education in quite a complete and rounded-out condition, till he should come again, some day, and go to bouncing a dynamite-can around to find out what was in it.

But we wander from the point. However, get a teacher; it saves much time and Pond’s Extract.

Before taking final leave of me, my instructor inquired concerning my physical strength, and I was able to inform him that I hadn’t any. He said that that was a defect which would make up-hill wheeling pretty difficult for me at first; but he also said the bicycle would soon remove it. The contrast between his muscles and mine was quite marked. He wanted to test mine, so I offered my biceps–which was my best. It almost made him smile. He said, “It is pulpy, and soft, and yielding, and rounded; it evades pressure, and glides from under the fingers; in the dark a body might think it was an oyster in a rag.” Perhaps this made me look grieved, for he added, briskly: “Oh, that’s all right, you needn’t worry about that; in a little while you can’t tell it from a petrified kidney. Just go right along with your practice; you’re all right.”

Then he left me, and I started out alone to seek adventures. You don’t really have to seek them–that is nothing but a phrase –they come to you.

I chose a reposeful Sabbath-day sort of a back street which was about thirty yards wide between the curbstones. I knew it was not wide enough; still, I thought that by keeping strict watch and wasting no space unnecessarily I could crowd through.

Of course I had trouble mounting the machine, entirely on my own responsibility, with no encouraging moral support from the outside, no sympathetic instructor to say, “Good! now you’re doing well–good again–don’t hurry–there, now, you’re all right –brace up, go ahead.” In place of this I had some other support. This was a boy, who was perched on a gate-post munching a hunk of maple sugar.

He was full of interest and comment. The first time I failed and went down he said that if he was me he would dress up in pillows, that’s what he would do. The next time I went down he advised me to go and learn to ride a tricycle first. The third time I collapsed he said he didn’t believe I could stay on a horse-car. But the next time I succeeded, and got clumsily under way in a weaving, tottering, uncertain fashion, and occupying pretty much all of the street. My slow and lumbering gait filled the boy to the chin with scorn, and he sung out, “My, but don’t he rip along!” Then he got down from his post and loafed along the sidewalk, still observing and occasionally commenting. Presently he dropped into my wake and followed along behind. A little girl passed by, balancing a wash-board on her head, and giggled, and seemed about to make a remark, but the boy said, rebukingly, “Let him alone, he’s going to a funeral.”

I have been familiar with that street for years, and had always supposed it was a dead level; but it was not, as the bicycle now informed me, to my surprise. The bicycle, in the hands of a novice, is as alert and acute as a spirit-level in the detecting the delicate and vanishing shades of difference in these matters. It notices a rise where your untrained eye would not observe that one existed; it notices any decline which water will run down. I was toiling up a slight rise, but was not aware of it. It made me tug and pant and perspire; and still, labor as I might, the machine came almost to a standstill every little while. At such times the boy would say: “That’s it! take a rest– there ain’t no hurry. They can’t hold the funeral without YOU.”

Stones were a bother to me. Even the smallest ones gave me a panic when I went over them. I could hit any kind of a stone, no matter how small, if I tried to miss it; and of course at first I couldn’t help trying to do that. It is but natural. It is part of the ass that is put in us all, for some inscrutable reason.

It was at the end of my course, at last, and it was necessary for me to round to. This is not a pleasant thing, when you undertake it for the first time on your own responsibility, and neither is it likely to succeed. Your confidence oozes away, you fill steadily up with nameless apprehensions, every fiber of you is tense with a watchful strain, you start a cautious and gradual curve, but your squirmy nerves are all full of electric anxieties, so the curve is quickly demoralized into a jerky and perilous zigzag; then suddenly the nickel-clad horse takes the bit in its mouth and goes slanting for the curbstone, defying all prayers and all your powers to change its mind–your heart stands still, your breath hangs fire, your legs forget to work, straight on you go, and there are but a couple of feet between you and the curb now. And now is the desperate moment, the last chance to save yourself; of course all your instructions fly out of your head, and you whirl your wheel AWAY from the curb instead of TOWARD it, and so you go sprawling on that granite-bound inhospitable shore. That was my luck; that was my experience. I dragged myself out from under the indestructible bicycle and sat down on the curb to examine.

I started on the return trip. It was now that I saw a farmer’s wagon poking along down toward me, loaded with cabbages. If I needed anything to perfect the precariousness of my steering, it was just that. The farmer was occupying the middle of the road with his wagon, leaving barely fourteen or fifteen yards of space on either side. I couldn’t shout at him–a beginner can’t shout; if he opens his mouth he is gone; he must keep all his attention on his business. But in this grisly emergency, the boy came to the rescue, and for once I had to be grateful to him. He kept a sharp lookout on the swiftly varying impulses and inspirations of my bicycle, and shouted to the man accordingly:

“To the left! Turn to the left, or this jackass ‘ll run over you!” The man started to do it. “No, to the right, to the right! Hold on! THAT won’t do!–to the left!–to the right!–to the LEFT–right! left–ri– Stay where you ARE, or you’re a goner!”

And just then I caught the off horse in the starboard and went down in a pile. I said, “Hang it! Couldn’t you SEE I was coming?”

“Yes, I see you was coming, but I couldn’t tell which WAY you was coming. Nobody could–now, COULD they? You couldn’t yourself–now, COULD you? So what could _I_ do?”

There was something in that, and so I had the magnanimity to say so. I said I was no doubt as much to blame as he was.

Within the next five days I achieved so much progress that the boy couldn’t keep up with me. He had to go back to his gate- post, and content himself with watching me fall at long range.

There was a row of low stepping-stones across one end of the street, a measured yard apart. Even after I got so I could steer pretty fairly I was so afraid of those stones that I always hit them. They gave me the worst falls I ever got in that street, except those which I got from dogs. I have seen it stated that no expert is quick enough to run over a dog; that a dog is always able to skip out of his way. I think that that may be true: but I think that the reason he couldn’t run over the dog was because he was trying to. I did not try to run over any dog. But I ran over every dog that came along. I think it makes a great deal of difference. If you try to run over the dog he knows how to calculate, but if you are trying to miss him he does not know how to calculate, and is liable to jump the wrong way every time. It was always so in my experience. Even when I could not hit a wagon I could hit a dog that came to see me practice. They all liked to see me practice, and they all came, for there was very little going on in our neighborhood to entertain a dog. It took time to learn to miss a dog, but I achieved even that.

I can steer as well as I want to, now, and I will catch that boy one of these days and run over HIM if he doesn’t reform.

Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.

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Felony Reckless Driving and Vulnerable Users of the Public Highway

Felony Reckless Driving and Vulnerable Users of the Public Highway (Creto/Kade Law)

On Saturday, 10/31/15, a drunken Thomas Gorman ran down three young Skidmore students in Saratoga. He killed one outright and sent the other two to intensive care with serious injuries. According to the Times Union (11/2/15), this driver “faces DWI” charges. Gorman was later charged with first-degree vehicular assault and driving while intoxicated.

DWI can be a felony or misdemeanor depending on the skill of the defense attorney and the facts of the case.

ADDRESSING THE ISSUE – A recent proposal, named in memory of two motorcyclists killed by people in cars who committed moving violations would make it a felony offense to kill any “vulnerable road user” – pedestrians, persons riding animals, or persons operating any of the following: bicycle, implement of husbandry, motorcycle, horse drawn carriage, electric personal assistive mobility device, or wheelchair.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The Albany Bicycle Coalition voted unanimously by those present at its 10/29/15 meeting to support this proposed law.

Details of the proposal follow.

SUMMARY: Felony Reckless Driving And Vulnerable Public Highway Users (Creto/Kade Law) – Felony reckless driving is driving or using any motor vehicle, motorcycle, or any other vehicle propelled by any means other than muscular power or any appliance or accessory thereof in a manner which causes death to a vulnerable user of the public highway (or knowing or having reason to know the operator is violating this section). Vulnerable users include the following: pedestrians (including those working, in or along a highway or providing emergency services within a right-of-way), persons riding animals or operating a bicycle, implement of husbandry, motorcycle, horse drawn carriage, electric personal assistive mobility device, or wheelchair.

*** FULL TEXT ***


IN A MANNER WHICH CAUSES DEATH TO A VULNERABLE USER OF THE PUBLIC HIGHWAY, OR KNOWING OR HAVING REASON TO KNOW THE OPERATOR IS VIOLATING SECTION: 1110(a): Failure to obey a traffic control device, 1111-3(d)2: Failure to stop for red light making a right turn, 1111-3(d)5: School bus illegally making a right on red light, 1120(a): Failure to keep right, 1120(a)3: Failure to yield right of way to oncoming traffic, while avoiding a traffic obstruction, 1120-6(c): Failure to keep right, crossing the center line of a roadway, 1121- Failure to yield one half of the road way to opposing traffic, 1122 (a): Improper overtaking of a vehicle on the left, 1122- (b): Improperly increasing speed when being legally passed on the right, 1124: Unlawfully crossing the center line of roadway while overtaking another vehicle, 1125-1: Illegally driving left of center of roadway; approaching crest of grade or curve with an obstructed view, 1125-2: Illegally driving left of the center of the roadway within 100 feet of traversing a railroad grade crossing, 1125-3: Illegally driving left of the center of the roadway when view is obstructed approaching a bridge, viaduct, or tunnel, 1126-(a): Illegally passing in a marked no passing zone, 1127-(a): Driving wrong way on a one way road way, 1127- (b): Failure to keep right passing around a circular intersection, 1128- (a): Moving from lane unsafely, 1128- (b): Illegal use of center lane- roadway divided into three lanes with two way movement, 1128- (d): Illegally crossing prohibitive roadway markings, 1129- (a): Following to closely, 1130-1: Illegally travelling upon the dividing area of a divided or controlled access highway, 1130- 2: Illegally entering a controlled access highway, 1131: Illegally operating a motor vehicle on a shoulder or slope, 1140- (a): Failure to yield right-of-way entering an intersection, 1140- (b): Failure to yield right-of-way, to a vehicle to the right, when arriving at an intersection at the same time, 1141: Failure to yield right-of-way making a left-hand turn (to a vehicle approaching from the opposite direction), 1142- (a): Failure to yield right-of-way at a stop sign, to a vehicle already on the roadway, 1142- (b): Failure to yield right-of-way at a yield sign, to a vehicle already on the roadway, 1143: Failure to yield right-of-way entering a roadway, 1145: Failure to yield right-of-way to a vehicle in a rotary traffic circle, 1160- (a): Improper right turn, 1160- (b): Improper left turn-two way traffic, 1160- (c): Improper left turn other than two way traffic, 1161: Illegal U-turn (any curve, approach to or near the crest of a grade-must be visible from 500 feet away), 1162: Moving from stopped, standing or park position unsafely, 1163- (a): Unsafe turn, 1163- (b): Failure to use proper signal when turning, 1163- (c): Stopping unsafely, 1163- (e): Illegal use of hazard lights, 1172- (a): Failure to stop at a stop sign, 1172- (b): Failure to stop at a yield sign, when required, 1173: Failure to stop ???????????????????????????????emerging from an alley, driveway, private road or building, 1180- (a): Unsafe speed for prevailing conditions, 1180- (b): Speed in excess of posted 55 mile an hour speed limit, 1180- (c): Speed in school zone, 1180- (d): Speed in excess of the posted speed limit (any posted speed limit other than 55 mph), 1180- (e): Failure to reduce speed-special road hazards, 1180- (f): Failure to reduce speed construction or maintenance work area, 1181- (a): Impeding traffic, 1211- (a): Unsafe backing, 1212: Reckless Driving, 1214: Unsafely opening and closing vehicle doors, 1216: Illegally coasting a vehicle, 1220: Illegally dumping garbage on a roadway, 1225: Illegally avoiding intersections or traffic control device, 1225-c-2(a): Illegally talking on cell phone, 1225-d: Illegally using a portable electronic device (viewing or transmitting images, playing games, or composing, sending, reading, viewing, accessing, browsing, transmitting, saving or retrieving e-mail, text messages, or other electronic data), THE OPERATOR CONTINUES TO DO SO. A PERSON VIOLATING ANY OF THE tumblr_ln0bi0HNhi1qjxfx5o1_1280PROVISIONS OF THIS CHAPTER SHALL BE GUILTY OF A CLASS D FELONY PUNISHABLE PURSUANT TO ARTICLES SIXTY-FIVE AND SEVENTY OF THE PENAL LAW.

Vulnerable user shall be defined as:

(a) A pedestrian including a person engaged in work, in or along a highway or engaged in the provision of emergency services within a right-of-way

(b) A person riding an animal

(c) A person lawfully operating any of the following on a highway or the shoulder of a highway: bicycle, implement of husbandry, motorcycle, horse drawn carriage, electric personal assistive mobility device, or wheelchair.

Written by: Kenneth A. Watson, Sr.

 Amended 01-27-2015 by Kenneth A. Watson, Sr.

(Reformatted and edited – Lorenz M. Worden, 10-29-15)

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Dress Sharp to Be Sharp

ABC T in Classic Colors

ABC T in Classic Colors

Dress sharp to be sharp – wear the “ABC colors.”

You can now order Albany Bicycle Coalition apparel through our new online store. Simply go to , click on “ON-LINE ABC STORE,” and select and order the items you want. We currently are offering men’s and women’s long- and short-sleeved T-shirts in various sizes and colors. All products are emblazoned with ABC’s logo that is recognized around the world. 

All products are locally sourced and reasonably priced. A portion of the revenue will help fund ABC’s advocacy projects.

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Parking Day in the City of Albany ~ PBLs Forever!

Green Lane in Albany – Fri, 9/18/15, 11 AM – 4 PM

The Protected Bicycle Lane Coalition and Albany Bicycle Coalition coordinated on a Protected Bicycle Lanes demonstration project as part of “Parking Day” in the City of Albany. Our exhibit was coordinated with Parks & Trails New York that had a campsite set up just at the end of the PBL green lane. This suggests that acceptable in-city facilities for people on bicycles will enhance there access to parks and trails that surround our urban areas.  PTNY was also promoting its “Close the Gaps” initiative to have all on-road portions of the Erie Canalway Trail replace by trails for by the time of the bicentennial of the beginning of Erie Canal construction – July 4, 2017.

“Parking Day” is to illustrate alternative uses for street space – uses other than as a tax-subsidized, frequently free place for people to store their motor vehicles.

The Details:

Thanks to Jim’s inventive genius and Rossana’s artistry with sidewalk chalk, ABC+PBLC had a credible full-scale Protected Bicycle Lane demonstration project on Washington Ave. on Parking Day, 9/18/15.

From 11 AM until around 3:30 PM, Claire, Jim, and Rossana were on duty to greet the visitors and explain how PBLs “work.” We were impressed with the number of positive comments – “way to go,” “I agree with this,” “good idea,” “when are we going to have these in Albany,” and so on from the many passersby.

We also noted several questions about the new Albany County Helderberg-Hudson Rail Trail and how it will be accessed from Delmar, Voorheesville, and Albany.

Photos Below –

Official schedule:

  • Friday
  • September 18
  • Event: 11 am – 4 pm

#1 – Jim demonstrating his “Mark I – Corn Starch Lane Builder.” We experimented with different exit hole sizes in the trough. Several passes were need followed by a gentle brooming to get the material spread evenly and into the surface depressions.

Mark I – Corn Starch Lane Builder

Mark I – Corn Starch Lane Builder

#2 – The full lane covering three parking spaces of about 20 ft each.

5-ft lane with buffer

5-ft lane with buffer

#3 – Rossana tries out the PBL – so secure that she felt no need for a helmet. Note entryway. The lane is “NATCO-regulation” 5 ft wide with a 3 ft buffer consisting of paint (chalk) and PVC delimiters. (As a result, we are just outside the 7 ft. Albany standard parking lane.


Trail Run!

#4 – After a relaxed, safe ride, Rossana arrives at her camping place, courtesy of Parks & Trails New York and just in time for the ever-vigilant Time Warner Cable News reporter to record this first-time event in Albany.


Safe Arrival at Camp

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Close the Gaps Ride

Close the Gaps Ride – The Bike Barn Cycles and Parks & Trails New York collaborated on a “Close the Gaps” ride on 9/22/15. PTNY runs the annual Cycle the Erie Canal bike tour and advocates for finishing the 360-mile Erie Canalway Trail from Buffalo to Albany. The trail is 78 percent complete as an off-road trail. There are still critical sections that need to be closed – including Broadway in Watervliet. When the gaps are finished, the Erie Canalway Trail will be the longest of its kind in the country – with safe, enjoyable bicycling and hiking from one side of New York to the other.

Parks & Trails have collected postcards from trail riders over the past year asking the Governor and other decision makers to Close the Gaps. They plan to drop them off at the Capitol after the ride. They’ll have cards at the start for you to sign one and plan to take a group photo at the pedestrian bridge in Albany.

PTNY also provided snacks at the pedestrian bridge. Be sure to check out those Bike Barn riding shirts.













Bike Barn Cycles

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